It’s now been about 6 months since I began seeking counseling in hopes of improving my emotional and mental health. I can honestly say I feel better, and more importantly I have made mental and lifestyle changes that I can directly attribute to the things I’ve learned and implemented from therapy. Opening up about about my thoughts here is just a part of my process of learning to be honest with myself, and I appreciate you for reading and giving me a chance to share.
Before I share those things, I admit that I’m already dealing with the nagging sensation that these new habits and thought processes are things I already knew, as if to say I didn’t really need the therapy in the first place. Ego and pride tend to surface even as I learn and grow, and I’m tempted to believe that I’ve reached a point that I can handle things on my own. I know that’s not true, however. The more I learn about myself, the more I realize how much I need to continue doing the interior work of managing my expectations and taking one day at a time.
So here’s a little update.
First, I’ve really made an effort to notice negative thought patterns. Before, if I felt a spiraling feeling of guilt, sadness, or anxiety approaching, I froze like a deer in headlights. It was that “here we go again” moment that I dreaded. Feeling powerless over my own emotions simply aggravated the emotion itself. Now, even though I still have low moments and anxious, run-away thoughts, I’m aware of them, and more importantly I’m aware that I can choose responses to them. Now, I take a moment to say to myself, “I know this pattern.” Or, I visualize those thoughts disappearing and floating away. I’ve also worked on replacing those thoughts with a spiritual truth about myself, helping me to remember the fact that my identity is not locked into my negative thoughts.
Also, I’ve become a big fan of journaling. I’ve been writing in journals for a long time, but I must say over the last six months my style has changed a lot. I used to write a lot of information for myself – notes on scriptures I was reading, goals and ideas, etc. I’m not saying that was a bad thing. However, over the time that I’ve been working on being more truthful with myself, my writing has now become more like a traditional diary. Letting my thoughts freely flow onto the paper has helped me unpack my issues in a more transparent way.
While I’m not as consistent as I should be, the effort I’ve made to write down my thoughts has been extremely beneficial, especially when waking up and going to bed. I heard a great tip on a recent Youpreneur podcast that has really helped me organize my thoughts, and I’ve implemented it in to my own journaling steps. It’s from the “5 Minute Journal” app, but I do it in my physical journal. When I wake up, I pick up my journal as soon as I can and write down three things I’m grateful for, and then three things that would make today awesome. Those things could be, and in my case really should be simple. Making grand plans just sets off more anxiety. Instead, I try to keep it to things related to spending time with family, doing fun things, and maybe one work goal or something that has been internally nagging me. Then, at the end of the day, I write 3 things that went really well or that made me happy, and 3 things that I’m looking forward to the next day. This practice has done wonders for my mood as I focus on the positive aspects of the day that has passed, as well as building my expectations for a good day to follow.
I know these steps seem pretty simple, and at times I chide myself for not being deeper or more intense about my progress. But the truth is, my path to a more stable emotional life hasn’t been about deep revelations. It’s been more about checking in with myself, and giving myself space to enjoy each day. I already naturally have super high expectations, and even as I work on my emotional health, I have to continue to fight my perfectionist tendency to want extraordinary results. Instead, I just keep coming back to my ‘one-day-at-a-time’ mantra. Rome wasn’t built in a day, they say, and my improved emotional life won’t be, either.
But I’m happy to say I’m getting there.
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